She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
