im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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