i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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