Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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