Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
