2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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