I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
