Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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