Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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