I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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