Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
