I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
