dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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