if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
