i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
