I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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