no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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