stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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