Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize