No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
accomplished twins. life is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
