It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
