its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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