i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
