I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
