dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
