I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so let's talk penis.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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