I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
