The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
