Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize