"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
