I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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