No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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