Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
