If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
