I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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