it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
