i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
