so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
