Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
