Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
