i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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