I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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