Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
