Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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