Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
