just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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