I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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