Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize