Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
