Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
