very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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