i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
