Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize