so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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