ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
