just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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