I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
