i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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