Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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