This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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