Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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