Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
