i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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