Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
