No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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