dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize