Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
