I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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