i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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