but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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