is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
