god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
