Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
