Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
