we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menโs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iโm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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