wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
