I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
