a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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