you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize