She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
