If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
