God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
