I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
