im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
