She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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