Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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