I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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