I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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