dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
