eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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