Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
