Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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