so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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