I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
