He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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