I wish I could teleport
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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