I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
