You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
