PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
